Hi,
There are basically two ways to go about this:
1. You change the way the search is done to only match exact terms (this would require code modification)
2. You change the terms so that their text don't overlap.
When you configure your custom field, you have for each value of the custom field a "value" input and a "title" input.
The value is the data stored in the database and the "title" is what the user sees in the dropdown/radio of the custom field.
So if you enter for example "male" and "fem" as the "value" of your custom field values instead of "male" and "female", you'll be able to search "male" and "female" without having an overlap on their text in the database, while the users will still see "male and "female" thanks to the values.
Also, you'll want to run a mass action on the user data via the menu System>Mass action with a filter on the column of your custom field with the value "female" and an action "update the values" on that same field with the string "fem" so that the users who already selected "female" will get the new value in the database.
PS: please note that we don't work on weekends. That's why we couldn't answer you faster